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- Stigg

Walking through the brightly lit streets of Stormwind, I felt different, as though a new energy flowed through me. The imp demon I had released from the parchment had showed me many things, many powers that I thought were only thought of in legend.
The moment I released the demon, his soul was binded to mine. I no longer saw him as a thing. He was my minion, no, my pet, my friend if you will. He was forever mine to call on as the need took me. He would bend to whatever will I chose. He had a strange spell, that could make him invisible to anyone except for me. I hoped, one day at least, that maybe I could learn this spell.
I ventured out of the city and made my way to the small village of Goldshire, just south of the majestic city of Stormwind. I met many travellers on the journey, albeit a small one. I'm sure they looked on me with suspicion, as though I was different to them. What they didn't know, however, was that the power of shadow flowed through my veins.
I reached the inn that was situated in Goldshire, and ventured inside. I walked towards the bar, got myself a flagon of mead, and made my way to a nearby seat. The usual crowd all stared at me as I sat down, all not talking or drinking. They kept eyeing me, gradually getting back to some sort of normal conversation, as I just sat there, watching them. I could feel myself pulsing with energy. I felt as though I didn't belong. I wanted to take them all on, start a fight that I just wouldn't win, but this wasn't why I was here.
When I thought everyone was comfortable enough with me being there, I ventured into the back of the inn, and down the dank and dreary stairs that lead to the basement. There was no light, it was pitch black, when suddenly, a voice called out to me;
"What do you want?"
I didn't reply straight away. I squinted, wanting my eyes to become accustomed to the darkness. My imp danced in the darkness, I suppose he was accustomed to it. I spoke.
"I'm here to learn. To become great and powerful. I've felt only a glimmer of what I feel as though I could know. I've heard you can teach me"
I heard footsteps coming towards me. I looked, squinted as hard as I could, when I felt someone behind me. I felt the power eminating from them.
"Do you really think your ready to learn what I've got to teach you?"
A creak from above interrupted us. Without a moments hesitation, I reached into my robe and pulled out a wand that was given to me by my mother. It crackled with energy. In my other hand, I grasped shadow, felt it bending to my will, forming a ball that sat just above my hand, ready to strike into the nearest foe.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my tutor reach for his wand too. He held it above his head, giving me my first glance of what he looked like. The shadow had consumed him, turned him into not only a powerful mage, but also a withered one. I felt as though he had many years experience of dealing with what the shadow has to offer. The creaking continued, but was getting quieter. It was probably just a drunken fool who'd stumbled too far into the inn.
I took a fleeting look at the man stood next to me. Do I really want to end up like him? A pulse of energy inside me gave me my answer.
"Are you ready?" The man repeated
"Yes" I replied
Comments
Nice. Very nice.
Though, there are bits and pieces that are a bit jarring to read. Your second and third paragraphs have "I" in it. A lot. That felt a bit disruptive when I was reeading it. If the idea was to create a bit of tension / short of breath type of feeling, then it worked, but it needed a bit of a lull / ramp up both before and after to make it smoother.
However, your 8th paragraph and onwards is great! Those two of the tutor are pretty good, those read very nicely, easy on the mind and tongue.
More Fraden! More!
I agree with Tanitha here. Very good in content, but a lot of the use of "I" in the earlier half. Apart from that, very good young master Fraden :)
More please!
/encore
"Please, sir, may I have some more."
Mo'?!?!?!
Uh, yeesh. Heh.
Was referring to the story, I liked how it started off and was roundaboutly askin' for more of it.
For some reason, when thinkin' of tryin' to be witty (which I just should give up on, really) - Charles Dickens' bit from Oliver Twist came to mind. Hence the "Please...blah, blah, more" quip.
/tucks tail and sits in the corner
omg you left me in such suspense! I liked it Fraden!
Let me ask you a simple question...
Do you want praise or constructive criticism ?
I frequently get told that when people ask for me for an opinion, they weren't looking for that particular opinion ;)
(Mostly due to me focusing a lot on typos/grammar/generic writing quite a bit over the actual content.)
*hm* Let me reword that a bit as it probably came out a bit different than intended.
The above wasn't at any way directed at the quality of your writing (I haven't read it close enough yet for that), more to determine how well I should read it.
I seem to remember you asking for some feedback on your writing and I personally tend to have "style over content" as it's far easier to improve that part of of someone's writing and, to some extend, less personal.
Aerath, I honestly don't mind what opinion you have. Cause thats what it is, your opinion. :D
So constructive criticism is appreciated as well as praise :D
Nah, but a budding young writer might be put off if all I'd offer was a list of "this here is a typo" "you used the word [blabla] in four consecutive lines here" "that comma is out of place" "try to replace [generic description] with [more specific fancy word]" =)
Nothing wrong with constructive criticism though
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